1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
