Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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