peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
