Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
