So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
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Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
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I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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