So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
