Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
