I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
