So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
