i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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