I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
