Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
