When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
