We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize