clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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