I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Randomize
