just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize