I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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