4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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