Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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