i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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