Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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