so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
