honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
