I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
