That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
