He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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