we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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