You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
