So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
