Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
