I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
