Whoa Z and x make the same sound
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
