You were right. It hurts to walk today.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
