I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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