Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
