He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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