My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
