I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize