just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
