Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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