I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
