I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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