He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
