If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
