and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
