why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
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i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
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Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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