booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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