You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
