so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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