Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
