I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
