my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Your penis caused this!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
