thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sorry about my life...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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