You're so nebulous sometimes
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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