Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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