If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
