The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
