I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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