You really coming over, don't trick.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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