heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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