I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
