I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
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Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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