She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
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