PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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