just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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