You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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