Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
love makes seman taste better
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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