So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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