man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
