The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
