It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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