They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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