she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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