Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
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