her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
