I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
