If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
